Up Scheidt Creek

TRIVIA:

If your morning commute to work is 20 minutes or less, it’s below the national average. New Yorkers have some of the longest commutes, averaging 40 minutes.

…yeah, an wi’ gas prices what they is, them city folks got it t’ worst. Round here, we know how ta handle high gas prices. Ride a horse. T’ price a hay been purty steady fer years. I hear tell them city folks is dealin wi’ a lot over them long commutes an gas prices. Er were that them blame fool credit cards causin it? Dang if I kin recollect jes now. But they be dealin wi a lot a foreclosure an sech over it, I heard it on t’ radio t’other day. That ain’t much of a problem round here, neither.

TRIVIA:

Ken Osmond, the actor behind Leave It to Beaver’s Eddie Haskell, wasn’t the troublemaker in real life. He grew up to become an L.A. policeman.

…an they think them cops out there ain’t troublemakers? Ha. But it be better n’ some a them old actors an singers. Cousin Martha, she allus be goin down ta Reno fer t’ gamblin machines, she done tole me all about how she keep seein outa work actors an singers an sech down there doin shows way after no one ever hears of em no more. She ain’t gonna be goin back no time soon though. She still be gittin over t’ last trip, where she done got t’ bedbugs outa one a them reno hotels she allus be stayin at. Says she be switchin ta Tunica from now on.

TRIVIA:

Bob Dylan got his musicians drunk for the recording of “Rainy Day Women #12 and 35″ because, as he claimed, they were too stiff.

….seems I recollect that there name, but I cain’t rilly think a where from. Seem like he mighta been one a them hippy singers, like back inna sixties? Y’know, that hippy thang kinda skipped t’ hills… I do recollect goin down ta th’ city oncet, an seein everone havin real long hair an drivin them little Volkswagon Bug cars, all painted funny, an some a em had weird stuff on em, like Cadillac grills on t’ front where t’ Volkkswagon shoulda been round. Yeah, I member that. I member thinkin them cars woulden be able ta pull theyselves out one medium size chuck hole up where I lived.

TRIVIA:

Walter Koenig, who played Chekov on TV’s Star Trek, had to wear a shaggy toupee in his first season until his real hair grew out. Reportedly, his mop-topped character was modeled after The Monkees singer Davy Jones in an attempt to lure teenage viewers.

…I recollect that there show. Seen it oncet er twicet down ta Cousin Mable’s. If I be right about what one he were, he be t’ one wi’ his hair all doin flip flops cause a t’ way it looked, kinda like a shaggy hound what jes been inna wind storm. But Davy Jones, ain’t he that drowned guy what all t’ sailers be watchin out fer? I don’ recollect t’ hair lookin like seaweed, an I cain’t figger why that would be makin young girls swoon, neither. Don’ make sense.

TRIVIA:

Enacted in 1953, an Ohio law states that no person shall be arrested on the Fourth of July nor on a Sunday, while going to/from a designated place of worship.

…they be actin like that be a strange idear. Make perfect sense ta me. Folks oughter be safe goin to an from t’ church house, no matter what else they done. An think on, what iffen they be after t’ preacher? There they is, he finishes up, an all t’ folks watch t’ speaker mount his horse er whatever he come on, then he gits arrested. Kinda puts a damper on t’ whole thang, don’ it?

TRIVIA:

Your odds of being killed in a tornado are 1 in 2 million.

…unless ya live here in Tornado Alley, mebbe. Round here, yer odds be a might higher. Most folks got t’ sense ta git down inna root cellar when t’ winds start ta blow. Kinda hard ta git t’ animals ta take t’ steps, though. Last year Jack Percy had a ram an’ a couple a donkeys what wound up two counties over.

TRIVIA:

In 2005, each person in the world consumed, on average, 77 beverages made by The Coca-Cola Company.

…wonder who been drinkin all my soda pops? I usta drink one ever so offen when I were a kid, but they be kinda hard ta come by round here. Now, Mamie Planter’s oldest girl, she be drinkin em alla time. She be t’ one what be goin ta that there massage therapy schools place down Detroit way. Mamie shore be proud a that girl, but fer what I know, Mamie ain’t never been outa t’ hills. Heaven help that girl iffen Mamie ever figgers out what a massage parler is.

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TRIVIA:

A pipe organ was the loudest sound that could be made in the year 1600.

…yeah, an it still be one a th’ purtiest sounds kin be made, no matter how many lectric keyboards ya come up wi’. Lotsa time t’ oldest ways be best. An they figger it out, too, but they don’ be lettin on that they be knowin it. Jes check t’ papers iffen ya don’ b’lieve it. It be all over em. Look here, this ad be fer Pedestal sinks . They ain’t new, but they be sellin em like they come up wi’ t’ idear they own self. I recollect when everyone were gittin rid a them there sinks ta git t’ cabinet an counter type ones. Well, I got me one a then so called new sinks in t’ bathroom in there, but it be a lot older then t’ folks what wrote t’ ads here.

TRIVIA:

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

…well, don’ that jes beat all. Ain’t no truth in advertisin no more atall, that be what that is. Think on it. They either be lyin to ya er tryin ta sell ya what ya don need no way. Lookit this here ad fer lamplight. Best outdoor lighting on t’ market, they says. Cain’t git no better. Betcha it kin. God made t’ best outdoor lighting fer at night. Called it t’ moon. Bet these here cain’t hold a candle ta THAT, now do ya think?